Sexual Myths and Your Relationship

Myth #5: Talking about sex takes the romance away

"If I tell you how to touch me, or let you know what I like in sex, it won't be romantic anymore." This feeble attempt to preserve the mystery of sex usually misfires. The reality is that the only expert in how to touch you is - yourself! Only you are on the inside as you experience your lover's caresses. Your partner, however well-intentioned, is guessing. Perhaps he or she is skillful and observant of the many little clues you emit regarding what you find pleasurable, but you are the one with the golden information. "I love it when you touch me exactly like that!" is a true gift to endow upon your loving partner.

Giving feedback to your partner about what you find pleasurable in a given moment is a wonderful gift. He or she can proceed to love you more confidently - and you're the beneficiary. It's important to recognize that what felt terrific yesterday may or may not feel terrific today. Yesterday's weather report doesn't tell us much about today's weather.

Talking about sex can be one of the most sensual experiences you can share with your lover. It's similar to the pleasure taken when enjoying a fine meal at a 5-star restaurant. Lingering over the menu, discussing the delightful possibilities of the dining experience to come, savoring every bite, sharing tastes from each other's plates, talking about the meal afterwards - the presentation, the flavors, sauces, speculating about ingredients - all of these things add resonance to the experience of eating. Think about your sexual experiences with your partner as 5-star "meals" to be savored and talked about.

Don't forget about the power of anticipation! Planning and looking forward to a special treat intensifies, prolongs, and deepens the pleasure of the anticipated experience of sensual delight. This is another way in which talking about sex not only does not preclude romance, but actively increases it.