Sexual Myths and Your Relationship
Myth #8: Sex is for the young; when you're old you get beyond it . . .


An Ever-Increasing Capacity for Intimacy

The truth is quite the opposite: with maturity comes an ever-increasing capacity for intimacy and sexual satisfaction. Older lovers are more experienced and more able to put into words what they feel and what they want. Older lovers are more confident and more knowledgeable. Older lovers are better at knowing how to relax together while in the midst of a highly intense experience. Older lovers can experience the delights of sex more deeply than they did when they were first starting out.

Humans are capable of sexual loving well into "old age" - in many cases, until their final days. With appropriate adjustments, it is possible to make love throughout your lifetime. (See my article, Making Love for a Lifetime)

One challenge for older lovers is that there are few media images of senior love: most movies and television dramas seem to focus much more on representations of young love, without wrinkles or low back pain. This is unfortunate, for few of us measure up to the standards of physical beauty put forward by the advertising and media industries. Older lovers may lack confidence, comparing themselves to these idealized images.

Making Love for Your Lifetime

To identify sexual expression only with what we experienced as twenty-somethings is to overly limit ourselves. Aging bodies may become less supple, even as aging minds often become more supple. The challenge of making love for a lifetime is to continually communicate with your partner about how to find mutual satisfaction. Creative adaptations may include changing positions, using lubricants, adding pillows for support, exploring alternatives to intercourse, etc. What's important is the goal of giving and receiving pleasure.

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