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Talking about Sex

An important element in finding a better sex life is learning how to talk with your partner about sex.  Most adults know how to talk about all kinds of things with their significant other – from plans for the weekend, to what kind of car to buy – but when the topic is sex, it all seems to go out the window.

Here’s a brief guide to having better conversations about sex with your partner:

  • Choose the right time and place. It’s a bad idea to try to talk about a difficult topic when you are tired or upset. Many couples talk about sex only after something goes wrong, late at night when both are exhausted. Instead, look for a time when everyone is calm and relaxed, and when there is no pressure to immediately move into sexual activity.
  • Be positive. Bookend your conversation with positive affirmations of the love you feel for your partner and your desire for closeness and mutual respect. Criticism is likely to yield only defensiveness, so be complimentary of your partner as you tell him or her what you’re feeling and thinking.
  • Be clear about what you want. Use accurate language rather than euphemisms. It works better to say something like “I’d love for you to stroke my penis with a light touch” rather than “Get me excited – you know how.”
  • Know that telling the truth in love to your partner is offering them a wonderful gift.

Few of us grew up witnessing healthy adult conversations about sex. Many families are silent on the subject, and children don’t learn how, or even if, it is possible to talk clearly and openly about sex. So, this is a skill that has to be learned in adult life. Ask you partner to join you in learning how to communicate so that together you can create a more satisfying sexual relationship.

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